Sex, since the history of man or human evolution has
gone through several changes, even in terms of
definition and form and the individuals engaging in it.
Once upon a time, sex was thought to be primarily
for reproductive reasons, then for the relief of
sexual tension and later, for the sexual pleasure.
Right from the explosive documentation of the Kama Sutra, various studies and experiences have been carried out by persons and institutions to unravel the mystery of human sexology and why, besides procreation, sex is important to mortal men and women.
From the researches of Alfred Kinsey who is
regarded as the father of sexology in the 40s and 50s
to Masters and Johnson’s famous researches on
orgasms of the 60s and 70s, sex has become a
subject of great interest to all.
Now, a research conducted by psychologists Cindy
Meston and David Buss on why women have sex
which is published in the Archives of Sexual
Behaviour, the duo in their new book of the same
title, have listed 237 reasons why women have sex
with their partners.
Ranging from the mundane desires to experience
physical pleasure; to the vengeful intentions of
getting back at a cheating partner, the spiritual
attempt to get closer to God, or the altruistic gesture
of wanting a partner to feel good about themselves,
Meston and Buss concluded that the motives for
engaging in sexual intercourse may be larger in
number than what most people think and
psychologically complex in nature too.
Some of the reasons listed are quite glaring and
practiced across societies and persons at various
times, regardless of their marital status too. In fact,
marital sex as well as long term relationships tend to
be more complex than those in newer or non-
commitment relationships. Just as a married woman
may have a legion of reasons for not wanting to have
sex, she just might have another gazillion on why she
must have sex.
The most important and common reason being “duty
sex”. Once married, it is assumed that providing
sexual pleasure to her partner is a given. She must
fulfill her own side of the bargain to keep the union.
To some other women, it is the price for the status
and benefits. In this case, it has nothing to do with
her own sexual pleasures or preference and more
about submission, ditto the man. Many women also
believe that the more sex they have with their
partners, the less chances he is likely to stray.
Women assume that the more sex he gets with them,
the less chances he is likely to think about sex
outside the box, much less look for it. While good
communication channel and a strong sexual
connection may have been identified as important
keys to a good relationship, hardly has having sex
with a partner on demand been known to keep a
person from straying into the thighs of another
individual.
Some women also believe that sex and
children are the perfect ways to keep their men.
Women dubiously believe that the more children and
responsibility they throw at their husbands, the less
likely they are to walk away from them. So, where
they have agreed on two children, these women, on
their own volition, manipulate or “accidentally” go on
to have more children. This hardly works in some
cases. You can only keep a man down for as long as
he wants to stay down. I intend to write more about
this complex situation in subsequent editions. Let’s
just go through some reasons I found quite
interesting in this book which I have practical
examples for:
Pity sex: Women may sometimes give in to sex for
this simple reason, after all, we are women with
maternal instincts. Some of the women in the book
confessed to have had sex with men just because
they felt sorry for them. According to one, she had
been dating a guy over two years and he had been
pleading with her all through. One day, she said she
took pity on him and agreed.
However, he was out of
the door as soon as he could pull his pants up. A
similar scenario happened to one of the young girls I
counsel.
She’d been dating the guy for quite some time, and
though she’d told him she was no virgin, she’d
however decided to go celibate until she was
married. The guy had gone on to systematically work
on her emotions and soon, broke her down. She said
the day she agreed to have sex with him, he had
prostrated flat on his stomach, swearing heaven on
earth. What kind of desperation is that? However,
what happened after the act, almost robbed her of
her education as she did not want to return to school.
She said immediately it was over, he jumped up and
punched the air with his fist, asking if that was all that
she had to offer and that he’d had better lays. He
went on to tell her that he had only been acting out a
script and never loved her. In fact, he and a couple of
guys already placed a bet on her and though she had
tried, he had won eventually. To make matters
worse, he had ordered her out of his room.
She said she ran away from school and several days
was even scared to pick her calls or check the social
media as she feared that he had recorded their
activities and might post it on the internet.
Eventually, he had come to apologise but the damage
had already been done. Sex for pity’s sake almost
always turn out to leave a sour taste in the mouth as
you can never be sure of the other person’s motives.
Have sex because you want to and not because you
feel pressured to, or are sorry for the guy. That way,
should things go sour, you can hold your head up,
look the a- – in the eye and say “f..k off, you fall me, I
fall you, no big deal!”
Marriage sex: This is very
different from marital sex. This is simply sex to
negotiate for marriage. Some ladies believe that
having sex with a guy will provide them the
opportunity to show the guys and convince them that
they are good and suitable for each other.
To add insult to injury, some of these ladies are
prepared to play little housewife roles, they go over
to the guy’s apartments for chores and even wash
their dirty under wears and clothes. Some even cook
with their own money to convince the guys that they
can support the union financially too. My little sister
gave me a gist about one of her friends who played
house help for someone she called her fiancé for
almost four years, refusing to heed everyone’s
warning.
As suspected, her generosity and selfless acts did not
succeed at the negotiation table as the guy sprung
the most unexpected surprise. He married the
daughter of his neighbour and co-tenant, the little
girl that had been calling his fiancée “aunty” and
often came to the apartment to play with her when
the guy was not around! My bet is that she had even
run errands between the lovers and had benefited
from the older lady’s generosity too. Eventually, they
both betrayed her, her goodness did not help,
neither her assumed sexual prowess.
Trade by barter sex: Just as the phrase imply, this is
when you use what you have to get what you want.
The first thing that comes to mind here is
prostitution, that age old trade of using the body for
financial benefits. The activities of the prostitution ri
ng are a multimillion
dollar investment
worldwide with
tentacles in drugs,
violent crimes,
human trafficking and
many other vices.
Interestingly, the
average prostitute in
many climes no
longer enjoys the
liberty of dealing her
wares as a one man
(sorry, woman)
enterprise or sole trader to any interested client
today.
To carry on business as usual, she needs protection
and this she invests in with the proceeds from her
business as well as sex. Again, a drug addict or junkie
will exchange sex for drugs naturally and when caught
in a tight corner, many women have been known to
exchange sex for their freedom.
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